arenting is a sacred responsibility, but not just because we are guiding our own children. God uses it to refine and grow us, His daughters, as well. You may have heard it described as the process of sanctification—that fancy, theological word that means to make us more Christ-like. Thankfully, it is by God’s grace we are saved and it is by His grace that we become conformed to the image of Christ.

One of the hardest parts about teaching our kids is the fact that we are still often in the process of learning ourselves—from controlling our emotions to developing appetites for the true and good things in life. Most of us still struggle in some ways.

When my kids were little, I struggled with my temper. I grew up with a wonderful dad in many ways, but he had a quick, hot temper himself. I found that after having children, this habit welled up within me, too. But that’s not a legacy I wanted to pass on. I had to admit, my quick-to-surface, lash-out anger was my sin. My dad may have set a poor example in that area, but I was responsible for my own actions. Acknowledging that was the beginning of real healing in my life.

We tend to label emotions as good or bad, but maybe a better way to think about them is as indicators. Just like our cars signal us when something’s not functioning correctly or maintenance is needed, our emotions tell us what is going on inside.

And I believe these emotions are often linked with the appetites we have been feeding. When I eat a lot of sugary treats, I want more sugary treats, not vegetables! Each time I vented my anger, I wanted to vent my anger more. That release felt good… temporarily, anyway.

But the anger I was experiencing was rooted in a deep selfishness. It was a desire for life to be easy, for parenting to be easy. It was about being accepted, that people would see me as a good mom. Ultimately, it was all about me and my comfort.

As I said earlier, acknowledging that my anger was sin was the beginning. To change this broken part of my soul, I needed to fill myself with truth. I needed to read and meditate on what God says about anger, about what He says about selfishness and what love really looks like. It wasn’t a quick fix. I was changing my diet—what I was feeding my mind—so that God’s grace could take over.

You may not struggle with anger as I did, but I’m guessing there’s some area in your parenting that needs a reset. Look at your emotions. What are they indicating? As James tells us:

But we don’t have to wait until the indicator light tells us something is wrong. Feeding appetites aligned with God’s desire for us and our relationships is key.

Several versions translate think as dwell. Vocabulary.com says this about the word dwell: “To dwell in a home is to live in it. To dwell on something — usually something bad…is to think or speak about it at great length.” The explanation of the word goes on with this commentary, “If you constantly dwell on the bad things in life, it could hinder you from seeing the good or lead you astray to the negative. If you keep complaining, your friends might tell you to stop dwelling on it or, if they’re really annoyed, they’ll say, ‘Get over it!’”

ay Chance homeschooled her children for fifteen years. While teaching them, she discovered a passion for writing and developing curriculum resources. She loves sharing natural learning methods and creative lesson ideas with other homeschooling parents. Kay is the co-executive editor of Homeschooling Today magazine and the author of the older extensions for the Trail Guide to Learning series. She makes her home in Texas with her husband Brian.