

Colleen Kessler, M.Ed.
asked my daughter to take a minute to grab all the trash from the car before she got out and then left her to it while I headed inside to see what the other kids had been up to while their sister and I were gone for a few hours. I’d left a list of schoolwork and chores. On some of these “appointment days” the fourteen and ten-year-olds crushed the to-dos, and on others, my house looked like a tornado hit while I was gone. Today was a tornado day…
Homeschooling is filled with seasons of highs, lows, and everything in between. As a homeschool mom, it’s easy to fall into the trap of wanting to do it all every day and keep the house, kids, meals, and planning perfect in the process. The reality, though, is that no one can do all the things all the time. In the midst of lesson planning, extracurricular activities, household chores, and the myriad of responsibilities that come with being a parent—it’s crucial for homeschool moms to recognize that it’s okay not to do it all every single day. In fact, acknowledging this truth can be liberating and pave the way for a more fulfilling and sustainable homeschooling experience.
And, if you’re homeschooling neurodivergent kiddos like I am, it’s even more important to manage those expectations. Parenting and homeschooling differently-wired kids comes with therapies, appointments, doctors, and outside classes. When you have kids pursuing passions like voice, acting, or athletics, you might also need to add in private coaching or specialized lessons like we do.
For us, non-negotiables tend to be very practical. On top of my philosophical need to raise kind, compassionate, lifelong learners, I also want them to progress in core subject areas a little bit every single day. I tell the kids that these are the minimum things they need to accomplish academically on a day-to-day basis so I know that I’m doing my job as a homeschool mama and so they know they’re doing their job in becoming educated. These include some math, a bit of writing, a little reading, and a few chores to make our home a peaceful place we all want to be.
Your non-negotiables may be different, and that’s okay. We need to remember that homeschooling is personal and we each have the incredible opportunity to create the exact environment we know will help our kids thrive. So, choose what works for you, and communicate those minimums to your kids so they know there are some days you’ll do more, but on the very crazy-busy, out-of-the-house days, they might only have to do their non-negotiables in order to call it a day!
Instead of fixating on checking off a never-ending to-do list, err on the side of connection. Engage with your children in ways that resonate with them individually. Take the time to listen to their thoughts, dreams, and concerns. Share stories, laugh together, and create lasting memories. These connections will not only enrich your homeschooling experience but also provide a solid foundation for your children’s social and emotional development.
Invest time in understanding your children’s passions, strengths, and areas for growth. This personalized approach not only makes learning more enjoyable for your kids but also strengthens your relationship, setting a foundation for a strong future connection. When challenges arise—and they inevitably will—a solid foundation of trust and connection will carry you and your children through.
On days when the curriculum feels overwhelming or life throws unexpected challenges your way, focus on doing what you can. Prioritize the essentials, and let go of the rest. By embracing imperfection, you create space for growth, learning, and the unpredictable beauty of the homeschooling journey.

Instead of measuring success by the completion of checklists or tasks, acknowledge the small victories. Celebrate the “aha” moments when a challenging concept finally clicks, appreciate the effort put into a creative project, and recognize the personal growth your children exhibit. Confidence in homeschooling comes not from perfection but from acknowledging and appreciating the daily strides, no matter how small.
Rather than succumbing to the pressure of trying to meet unrealistic expectations, take a step back and assess what truly matters. Prioritize your children’s well-being, emotional connection, and love for learning. The beauty of homeschooling lies in its flexibility, allowing you to tailor your approach based on your children’s needs and your family’s unique dynamics.
Some seasons will bring you out of the house for appointments and challenges with one of your kiddos, while others will have you sticking close to home and following a familiar daily rhythm. And sometimes, there’s a mix throughout the week. It seems that the only constant in homeschooling is that it’ll change year to year and kid to kid, so perfection is never attainable.
Remembering that the journey is just as important as the destination will help you navigate the seasons as they come and thrive throughout the process. There’s power in recognizing that you can’t do it all every day. By identifying homeschool non-negotiables, erring on the side of connection, and embracing imperfection, you pave the way for sustained, joyful homeschooling.
Remember, the relationships you build, the connections you foster, and the love for learning you instill in your children are the true markers of success in homeschooling. Confidence grows not from perfection but from acknowledging efforts, celebrating small victories, and adapting to the ebb and flow of the homeschooling journey.
