was the most difficult year we’ve experienced. We walked with my husband’s father through esophageal cancer. His dad’s journey into heaven wasn’t an easy one. Yet, he amazed all of us with his determination to trust God and be at peace through it all. He left this life with an exclamation point when he went to be with the Lord on a beautiful spring day in April, Good Friday. Two days later, we celebrated Christ’s victory over death! Grief still exists, yes, but not without the accompanying hope we carry as believers. Walking with someone to the end is the support side of life. No matter how much it hurts or how traumatizing it might feel, you’re there for them. Because being there for them is more important than the cost to you. We watched Alex’s mom care for her husband so exceptionally and so courageously. I will never forget how she did whatever was needed, but with a depth of love and honor for her husband that can only come from a lifetime spent choosing each other through all the ups and downs.

After they’re gone, you shift gears from how can I be there for them? To, how can I honor their memory? And even though you’re grieving, you don’t want to leave that to someone else who didn’t know them as well. So we honored his life and didn’t back away from the work required to represent him well. It was a blessing to see how many people showed up with their stories and their hugs.

Shortly before Josh’s passing, we found out we were pregnant. It felt like a gift of new life in the grief of enduring the passing of another. When we discovered it was a boy, we named him Joshua Graham. Being pregnant is such an incredible experience when you think about the fact that a life is being formed inside you—someone created by God with a personality and calling. There were several times when I was worshiping or praying, and I just felt like he was experiencing and enjoying the presence of God with me. My kids were so excited about having a baby. It took Ruby a little time to get over the fact that she was just sure it was her sister in there.

After some time spent with Alex’s mom in Kentucky to help her settle into her new reality, it was time to go to Florida and help my dad. We knew he had been having some health challenges, but he really didn’t tell us all that he was dealing with. So when we got there and saw him, it felt like stepping right back into the trauma we just left. He needed to go to the hospital pretty quickly after we arrived and was there for over a week. It was heart failure. My dad was about to turn seventy-nine and had enjoyed good health for the most part in his life. But now, his heart was showing signs that it wasn’t going to keep working much longer. We got to have some time with him that felt normal, eating meals together and laughing around the table at silly things the kids would do. They got to watch TV snuggled under his arm and give Grampy hugs before bed.

My husband and I did our best to provide what was needed. Even though Alex would have preferred not go back in a hospital or see another doctor for a while, he was the one who took my dad to his appointments. We talked through the pain and shared many embraces to help each other carry the weight together.

Here was the very unexpected twist: at 23 weeks, we learned that Joshua Graham was no longer with us. So Josh’s namesake had already made it to heaven to be with the grandpa who hadn’t known about him while here on earth. I like to imagine what a joyous meeting it was that took place. Between Josh, my mom, and of course the Lord, I know Joshua Graham will be well taken care of until we meet again. Amazingly, several months back, we had planned a little beach trip in August. It felt random to me when I selected those dates. Little did I know how the Lord was orchestrating a time of rest He knew we would need. Three days after delivering Joshua Graham and honoring his precious little life by holding him and telling him how much he meant to us, we were watching our kids run and play in the waves.

When you’re in the room where, normally, all the instruments around you are used to measure your baby’s weight and take care of them as they begin their life, those same instruments seem like a cruel reminder that there’s nothing to care for. While in that room, we reminisced about our three beautiful children and their entrances into the world. We remembered that, though this painful experience is our current reality, we also have another set of memories to pull from that we can be grateful for.

During that week at the beach, the Lord ministered to our hearts and gave all of us the gift of remembering what fun and joy felt like. While we were gone, our wonderful church family organized a week of meals for my dad. We thought we would have more time with him, but just a few days after returning, it was clear Dad needed to go to the hospital again. This time, he wouldn’t be coming home.

Precious neighbors who are also good friends watched our kids for us while we sat around my dad’s hospital bed and prepared to say goodbye. A couple of his closest friends came too, and one of them happened to be a worship leader, so we sang my dad into heaven. It was both beautiful and heartbreaking.

When we think of strength, we think of something that is already strong. But strength doesn’t originate from us. During the mornings that followed the passing of my dad, only two weeks after losing Joshua Graham, I knew I needed to wake up earlier than usual and give the Lord extra time to refresh my heart and be my comfort. He is so incredibly faithful to do so. Still, we have a part to play too; we have to come to Him. A few minutes won’t get the job done. He needs actual quality time from us. When we come, it’s best to lay down all the questions at His feet, maybe He’ll answer some, maybe He won’t. Either way, it’s like when Peter says to the Lord:

We don’t have to understand everything. We just need to come. Come with our fears and grief and receive from the giver of life. As I did this, it’s as if He wrapped my heart up in His love morning by morning, and at times minute by minute. He poured His life, His hope, and His peace into me. That’s who He is. Alex’s mom and I were talking about this just the other night. Even though the pain is deep, His loving presence just somehow comes and begins to swallow it up. And while we have to bring it to Him many times, He just keeps swallowing the pain and giving us His life in return.

When my mom passed away thirteen years ago, I fought it. I fought to understand, and I fought the Lord’s comfort because it felt like grieving was saying that I was okay with what happened. Like God had done me wrong…The audacity, right? I had a lot to learn about His nature. In Volume 1 this year, we focused on the heart, and I wrote about how God didn’t break our world and insert pain and death. We did that. So when broken things happen, we cannot blame the only one who brings redemption, life, light, hope, goodness, joy, peace, and the purest love.

This time, I knew better. I wasn’t about to fight the source of healing love flowing into all the places that hurt most. I could feel the tangible love of God around me that day that we found out Joshua Graham was already in heaven. Thirteen years ago, I wouldn’t have recognized it. I wasn’t familiar enough with His ways and His presence back then. The most important investment I’ve ever made is the consistent quality time I spend with the Lord in the morning. Worship, prayer, reading His word, and just being with Him. Soaking in His presence and learning what His gentle nudges feel like. He has a particular way He wants to be with each of us, unique to each of us. The greatest joy and adventure of my life has been discovering that. And it’s not just head knowledge, knowing more about Him. It’s heart knowledge. It can be easy to make your time with Him something to accomplish or check off of a list and leave Him out of it completely. Learning how to be led by His Spirit is the key.

In 2025, He became my strength in a deeper, more real way than I’ve ever known Him before. This is how the Kingdom of God operates. If we let Him, He will always make something beautiful out of what we go through. He can take the very things that would push us to a breaking point and turn them into a source of strength and depth in Him.