the last issue, I talked about how we are the gatekeepers for our kids when it comes to helping them process their feelings. These feelings might stem from the truth, but sometimes they come from lies, which is why our kiddos need us to help guide them. This time, I want to talk about the idea of being a gatekeeper from a different angle. As parents, we want our children to think well of themselves—not overly confident, but not self-deprecating either—just secure in who God made them to be and the future He has planned for them.

What exactly do we want our kids to think about themselves when it comes to academics? We often want them to love learning, love their time as homeschoolers, and be confident in their abilities to tackle anything. If these are the results we want, we have to backtrack a bit and look at what makes up these outcomes.

I’ve met many kids who think they’re “not good” at a particular subject. Where does this belief come from? In a school setting, sure, you can see how kids who are not as competent in a given area would feel this way. But at home, there isn’t as much comparison happening, we hope…So, how do our kids form the belief that they are good or not good at something?

If what we’re trying to accomplish is too difficult for us, we will internalize the belief that we’re incapable in that area. So then, a very important part of our job as homeschooling parents is to make sure we’re not making academics overly challenging. This is only problematic when we want them to be at a level they’re not ready for, which is usually just something we allow ourselves to feel due to outside pressures and our own anxiety.

When something is a challenge for our kids, the support we provide in that situation will be critical to preventing them from developing this belief. For anyone who feels this ship has already sailed in certain areas, the column Practical Support Tools by Michelle Brownell offers excellent insight for helping children overcome negative mindsets about school.

We want them to talk about themselves a certain way. But we have to ask, do we model that? Or, do we walk away from a mirror with an exasperated sigh—and yet get upset with our kids for being critical of their appearance? Do we say things like “I always do that!” when it comes to our mistakes? Or, “I’ll never be able to do ______,” yet expect them to have a different attitude?

• If we want our kids to think of themselves as capable, we need to make sure what we’re putting in front of them is doable and appropriate for their abilities.
• If we want our kids to think back on homeschooling as a great experience, we need to make time for memorable moments together where we’re not just trying to get things done.
• If we want our kids to love learning, we need to make learning something they can love.

The bottom line then is, we have a lot to do with our kid’s self image, both in general and in how they feel about themselves as learners. This assessment is a huge aspect of their current and future selves. As a result, what we do educationally matters a lot less than how we do it. This points to the significant need for us to maintain our own attitudes. 😫 I really want to stamp my foot right now and throw something. That’s not good, is it? LOL.

You can tell I’ve got some work left to do in this area because I want to be able to say, “Hey, get a good curriculum and plan out your days just right and your kids will turn out great! You don’t have to worry about controlling your flesh all the time, just use the right products.”👌

Instead, it seems that a lot more of it depends on how I’m treating my kids on a regular basis. Thank goodness for the grace of God as we know mistakes will be made along the way. I’m so grateful for the Scripture:

I know it’s not easy, especially when it feels like the train is coming off the rails some days. In those moments, let’s set aside whatever it is we’re trying to accomplish and regain our peace. Because if we’re not at peace, we won’t be able to make the right decisions anyway. Maybe we should start to see peace as our highest priority now. Not the list of things we think should get done that day, but our ability to model living life well in the middle of it. If we maintain a sense of peace we will be able to help our kids walk through the challenging moments instead of adding to them.

I highly recommend the resources selected in the Great Books column for learning alongside our kids about how to take thoughts captive. I read the picture book Whirly, Swirly Thoughts to my kids in anticipation of this issue and we all enjoyed it. The book itself is entertaining enough to keep everyone’s interests, but it also conveys the revolutionary idea: you get to choose what you think about.

This scripture will help us remember that peace can be the umpire in our minds, refusing thoughts that don’t align with peace and embracing ones that do:

shley Wiggers grew up in the early days of the homeschooling movement. She was taught by her late mother, Debbie Strayer, who was an educator, speaker, and the author of numerous homeschooling materials. It was through Debbie’s encouragement and love that Ashley learned the value of being homeschooled. Currently, Ashley and her husband Alex are the publishers of Homeschooling Today magazine. Ashley is the Co-Executive Editor and a contributing columnist as well as one of the hosts of their podcast, Homeschool Boldly. Husband and wife team, Alex and Ashley are busy raising and homeschooling their three children while running the family business together.