ur topic for this issue is trust versus control. This is the first in the series for our theme: The Kingdom Way. Trust does not come particularly naturally to us. If we’re honest, control is much easier. If I can control a situation (or at least feel in control), then I believe I will be able to create a desired outcome. The outcome is what motivates us to take over. The more important the outcome, the more control we crave, which is why we’re starting our series with this Kingdom principle. Everything else rests on this one.

We can’t move forward with the Lord or our callings in life if we do not let go of control and embrace a lifestyle of trust, especially when it comes to our families. The relationships we’re hoping to build will fall apart if we’re trying to control our loved ones all the time. The learning we want to produce, lasting memories, and capable kids will become a heavy burden under the weight of control. If you go all the way down to the root of it, control is really just a symptom of fear. You might be thinking, “Oh, I don’t struggle with fear.” Hmmmm. Sometimes we don’t recognize the symptoms. They can be subtle… So subtle that we don’t know it’s happening. Just a little manipulation here or guilt there, and we’ve given in to our desire to force a certain outcome.

Trusting means I give up the need to know exactly what will happen, and I walk through life with a good expectation. It’s not a passive thing. It is defined as a “firm belief in the reliability of someone.” That doesn’t mean we say things like, “Well, I guess we’ll see how things go.” Or, “I hope it all turns out okay.” Trusting the Lord means I believe Him when He says He has good plans for me (Jer. 29:11). I have confidence in His word and His nature. He is faithful.

Will His plans look like I want them to? A lot of the time, no. But if I hang in there, I will reap a harvest:

As Isaiah 30:15 states, strength is found in trusting that the One who is truly strong leads us. Like little sheep. Their confidence is not in themselves, but if they are in the care of a good shepherd, they feel secure.

A problem arises when we think this means everything will go well and be comfortable. That’s not the promise. The promise is that He will be with us. He’ll never leave us. He’ll help us through all the hard things and make sure that they turn into something good if we stay close and follow His lead.

In the column, Practical Support Tools, my friend Michelle Brownell helps us take a different view on sibling conflict. It’s not pleasant when our kids fight. It’s not comfortable or easy. But it is an opportunity to teach them something they’ll carry into adulthood. I think that’s how God sees our issues as well. He’s looking at us like we look at our children: I know it can be hard, but if you trust me to help shape you, it will be good in the end.

Trust is being led, not leading. Yielding. Letting go of what we think should be and letting God have control. It doesn’t mean we stop doing what we know we’re supposed to do; It means we let Him direct us as to what that looks like. And we don’t allow worry to steal our trust away. If He says something is right for our family, our job is to believe Him and be at rest. We are believers after all!

The Lord has been challenging me lately with this thought, “Practice courage, Ashley!” When I begin to think about the “what ifs” in a given situation, I hear a little voice inside remind me to practice courage. It helps me make the choice right then and there that whatever I’m tempted to worry about is to be taken captive as I choose to practice courage instead.

This quote puts worry in perspective:

Think about the stark contrast between worry/stress and joy/laughter. We know that stress does all sorts of damage to our bodies. Laughter does the opposite! It strengthens our immune systems, increases blood flow, and releases endorphins, which are natural painkillers. Laughter and light-heartedness put your brain into a more creative frame of mind, while worry tends to shut down flexible or creative thinking. A Google search even revealed, “simulated or forced laughter can trick your brain into releasing beneficial neurotransmitters!” We rarely laugh when feeling stressed. But if we’re living a lifestyle of trusting God and letting go of control, joy and laughter will fit right into that state of being.

Trust is an area we’ll continually be growing in, and it is a relational part of our overall development with the Father. It’s never something we achieve. There will always be more layers to peel back on this one.