Back in Genesis 2, God gave a mandate to Adam (who represented all of mankind) to work the garden and take care of it. He was to steward what God had given him and to exercise dominion over it. After the fall, this mandate didn’t change, but now that sin had entered the picture, Adam would find it much more difficult to fulfill that mandate. Sin created obstacles that really had no hope of redemption until Jesus, the Great Redeemer, would come to change that.

Our calling as believers is the same: to tend the garden that God has given us. We still face obstacles, but because of Jesus, we have the privilege of complete access to the Father and the ongoing presence of the Holy Spirit to strengthen us and give wisdom.

Our homes and families are the gardens that God has given us to exercise dominion over. That means that we have the responsibility through Him to bring a certain amount of order and peace into our homes and family life. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t about control as much as it’s about being committed to stewardship and tending the specific garden that God has graciously given us, knowing that our God-given position is one of great influence.

Take a minute to think about that! As women, we have the ability to influence our husbands, children, grandchildren, and every person who walks through the door of our homes!

This is why it is essential that we discipline ourselves to make our homes a place of refuge.

A refuge by definition is a place providing protection or shelter from danger or hardship. A source of help, relief, or comfort.We have the potential to provide shelter from the storms of life, from the cruelty of the world, and offer the peace and love that can only be found in Christ, and it starts with our own families.

Many of us decided to homeschool because we wanted to protect our children from danger or unnecessary hardship. We wanted to raise them in an environment where they could be who God created them to be, a place where learning happens naturally and abundantly. But taking on the full responsibility for our children’s education can bring with it the temptation to make “school” front and center instead of a robust, vibrant family life at home.

Throughout our family’s homeschool journey, my mantra has been that school should revolve around home, not home around school.

What that looked like varied somewhat from day to day, but the overarching goal was that our home would provide protection. It would be a place to nurture our kids physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

When discussing the different types of homeschooling moms, my seven adult kids jokingly tell me that this is the kind of homeschool mom I am—completely relaxed.

I think they are being a bit dramatic, but the fact that I have become less and less uptight about our homeschooling as the years have passed is absolutely true. When I realized and truly embraced the fact that our family was unique and that our homeschooling didn’t need to look like anyone else’s, I felt myself breathe a sigh of relief.

This wasn’t a one-time event. I had to remind myself of this each time I started to feel unnecessary pressure to do things that were not a good fit for my family or for me. How did I know they weren’t a good fit? When I could see the joy that was characteristic of our family began to disappear. The smiles and laughter were overshadowed by a sense of heaviness.

Every mom wants to do right by her kids and I was no different. Sometimes, though, in our effort toward excellence, we sacrifice the gift of a light heart—one that is fun-loving and engaged, one that invites our kids into relationship and real connection.

In our effort to give our kids a robust education, it can be easy to take ourselves, our kids, and our homeschooling way too seriously. I don’t think it’s a bad idea to periodically ask ourselves how often we and our children are smiling as we walk out our days together. How often is there laughter in our homes?

God has created four seasons, and summer gives us a particularly unique opportunity to connect with our kids around more lighthearted activities. Even if you school year-round as we did, the summer routine is likely less academic and the perfect chance to lighten up and have more fun homeschooling.

The Lord understands that raising children is messy sometimes. It’s part of the process. In fact, He has a very tender spot in His heart for those with children at home:

Even so, God has also called us to think in orderly ways, to reason, judge, and consider all aspects of a matter. (Isaiah 1:18)

That means we need to exercise good judgment in prioritizing our daily routine and family life so that it reflects His values (biblical values). Even then, He needs to lead us in the details of what that looks like for our particular family.

When I was pregnant with our sixth baby, our oldest was nine years old. We seemed to have a pretty good rhythm to our days, but I had this nagging feeling that with the next baby our current routine would simply not work.

I spent some time praying and sat down to reorganize our daily life. It was overwhelming. Questions ran through my head. How do I keep our house in some semblance of order, nurse a baby every few hours, make regular mealtimes happen, continue to train the children the way I know I’m supposed to, and homeschool? It seemed like an impossible task. However, I knew God had given us these children, and He would somehow provide the grace to do all that needed to be done. So I prayed again, dug into some resources I thought might be helpful, and prayed some more.

It took a while to have confidence that our new schedule was covering enough, but once I felt like things were pretty well lined out, we dove in with both feet!

I was excited, energized, and by the early afternoon, exhausted.

Reality check! I had put my schedule together based on the best-case scenario. In other words, there was no margin for error—no margin for a child who wasn’t cooperating, a chore that wasn’t done properly, a discipline issue, a spilled glass of milk… you know, all the things that happen when you are dealing with actual children. And there certainly was no time for hugs and encouragement for a job well done.

What had emerged from my time of planning was a routine scheduled down to fifteen-minute time frames with five kids going in different directions and no way to oversee all of it with any sense of godly nurture, care, or flexibility.

At that point, I took a step back and was actually thankful that this was the failure that it was.

I didn’t want to be a mom barking out orders. Our mission is to raise godly children, not to have a home that runs like a well-oiled machine.

I realized I needed to break my day into bigger rather than smaller blocks of time. I had a list of tasks that I felt were important and needed to happen during each block, but I could now see that it was vital to include margin within those blocks so I could respond to my children in a way that pleased God and served our family well.

The tasks were tools that God would use toward that end, but whether every task was completed every day was not the most crucial issue. The most critical issue was keeping our overarching mission in mind: raising godly children.

The routine I laid out was our servant, not our master. It was there to help orient our days to benefit our family in ways that moved us toward our mission.

That particular routine varied somewhat as we entered each new season, but overall it served our family incredibly well for many, many years. However, you must know that in our over twenty-six years of homeschooling, never has one single day gone exactly as the routine was so beautifully laid out in the spreadsheet on our refrigerator.

The truth is, there is no perfect schedule because there are no perfect people and no perfect days, but in hindsight, I can tell you that perfection never really mattered.

urenda Wilson is a homeschooling mom of eight (born 1991 through 2004), seven of whom have graduated. She has been married for 32 years to Darryl, and they have 9 grandkids. Durenda has written The Unhurried Homeschooler, Unhurried Grace for a Mom’s Heart, and The Four Hour School Day. She is the owner/writer/host of her blog and podcast, Durenda Wilson, and mentors moms at simplyunhurried.com. She also enjoys speaking at events where she can encourage homeschool moms to think outside the box and homeschool in a way that is a great fit for their families!