ong ago, I was newly married, kidless, and a new pastor at a small country church in rural Indiana. I met a little, wrinkled, old farmer named Walter. He spoke slowly and with unsettling gaps between his thoughts. It was one of my first Sundays at the church, and I vividly remember our first conversation.

“How long have you gone to this church?” I asked, looking down into his face.

Long pause. I was about to repeat myself when he finally spoke, like he was coming out of a trance. “My wife and I are charter members.”

“Wow, that’s a long time,” I responded. “Is your wife here today?”

Pause. “No, she stayed home because she’s been sick,” he said flatly.

“How long has she been sick?” I asked.

It was like someone hit the pause button, counted to three, and then hit play. “Oh, about forty years.”

I didn’t know it at the time, but I had just encountered a normal person whose wife had been sick and not feeling herself for a long time. Of course, I couldn’t comprehend it at the time because I was young and had limitless energy, boundless ideas, and enough vision and drive to look the impossible in the face and smile.

Now, I get it. His wife wasn’t critically ill or on the verge of death. She was a normal mom who had good days and bad days, and who just learned to live with it.

I sometimes wonder if her life would have been different in these Internet days. Back then, your information was limited to what you read in a newspaper or a book, what you heard on the evening news, or a conversation you had with those who lived near you.

You got sick, and the doctor called it the vapors, and you were okay with the diagnosis. You felt blah and unmotivated and you were told you had a case of the mid-winter blues… and you were okay with that, too.

Now, everyone has solutions for your problems, a diagnosis for your ailments, and answers to all your questions and dilemmas. Moms spend hours and hours researching and searching for something to cure them, solve their problems, and find a source of peace.

You sit at your computer or phone looking for answers to your messy, chaotic home, reasons your youngest child isn’t reading like the others, or why you don’t have the energy you used to have when you didn’t homeschool or have kids. (Are you kidding me?)

You long for peace and peacefulness, but can’t remember the last time you felt it. So you search some more. Occasionally, you find an expert who offers hope, only to discover you’re right back where you started months or years later and so begin your search for yet another expert.

Now I’m no expert of any kind, but I wonder if Walter and his wife had the right idea. Maybe the answer to enjoying peace is not changing your circumstances, but accepting them and giving up the fight.

Maybe you won’t ever feel like you did when you were twenty-five, kidless, and had loads of energy (duh), and perhaps that’s okay… and normal.

My good friend Paul and his wife have a daughter who has struggled for a chunk of her young-adult life. They tried all kinds of natural remedies and talked to experts but nothing changed for their daughter.

Finally, their daughter came to them and said, “Can we just stop trying to change this and be okay with how I am?” Paul told me she was tired of looking for answers to her condition and just wanted to be normal with her condition. It was a game changer, allowing her to move on and be at peace.

Last night, I was talking to my son, and he mentioned people he knew who work so hard to be in the Spirit, live in victory, enjoy good health, and walk in peace—and yet, they’re miserable.

Maybe the answer is not in charging forward but in giving up, embracing the chaos, being thankful for exhausting days, little energy, and having a God who can carry you… and it all.

In church, years ago, a homeschool mom was sharing how young moms came to her and told her their woes, dilemmas, and plans to work harder. She said, “I told them to stop trying so hard.” It was eye-opening to me. That seemed like the wrong advice then, but it seems right on the nose now.

I can remember the exact spot on the road where I was at a particularly exhausting time in life. I was worn out, defeated, and wondering what I needed to do. A song on the radio started to play. It was an old song by Larnelle Harris (I know I’m old), The Strength of the Lord. Maybe it was the tune or the softness of his voice, but something happened when he got to the refrain… and it still does.

Mom as you’re seeking peace, rest, and solutions… Maybe you need to stop trying so hard in your family and homeschool and start trusting that God has a plan for you and your children and that He will bring it to fruition.

Maybe you need to stop running to get it all in, researching for answers and start resting in Him and enjoying those around you and the brief time you have with them.

Maybe you need to stop jumping from expert to expert and keep praying and trusting. (I know you are doing it already.)

I think it’s okay, to be okay with things, because God is in control of things… and that leads to peace.

Jesus once told his disciples:

odd Wilson, author of Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe and Help! I’m Married to a Homeschooling Mom, is a dad, writer, conference speaker, and former pastor. Todd’s humor and gut-honest realness have made him a favorite speaker at homeschool conventions across the country and a guest on Focus on the Family. Todd and his wife Debbie homeschool their eight children in northern Indiana and travel around America in the Familyman Mobile. You can visit Familyman Ministries at: www.familymanweb.com.