Practical Support Tools

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by Michelle & Jaron Brownell

“Those eye rolls, dramatic sighs, & resistance aren’t always defiance. Sometimes they’re stress responses that hold valuable information if we know how to decode them.”

A woman in an orange sweater sitting indoors with her eyes closed, taking a deep breath. A small inset image of a young boy wearing a baseball cap backward and an orange backpack shows him looking uncertain or worried.

Text-based graphic with mixed typography reading, "FROM EYE ROLLS TO DEEP BREATHS: A FRESH APPROACH to Your Child’s Attitudes (AND YOUR OWN)."

Transform Everyday Power Struggles
into Calm & Connected Learning

ver notice how both your challenging attitudes and your children’s seem to feed off each other? In those moments when power struggles hijack your homeschool day, there’s actually something deeper happening. Something that, once you see it, changes everything about how you respond to each other. This is about creating the kind of relationship you’ve always hoped for—one where both you and your children feel understood, supported, and truly connected.

You know that moment. Your sweet child suddenly morphs into an eye-rolling drama machine, and there you are again trying to stay calm while your child’s attitude is pushing every button you have. Somehow, the more you try to keep it together, the more the attitude seems to escalate.

What if I told you that attitudes—both yours and your children’s—are actually revealing something completely different than most of us realize? Seeing these moments in a new way can transform your daily homeschool life, just like it transformed ours.

The atmosphere completely shifted in our home when we learned to:

Recognize the real messages behind attitudes
Reframe what we’re seeing
Regulate together
Respond with connection
Nurture results that last

Recognize: When Attitudes Hijack Your Homeschool Day

The Cycle We Know Too Well

I’ll never forget the day I found myself locked in what felt like the millionth power struggle with my son over math. He was slumped in his chair, rolling his eyes at every suggestion I made, while I could feel my own frustration building with each dramatic sigh. The more I tried to “handle” his attitude, the worse it got. Sound familiar?

We all know this dance: our children’s attitude triggers something in us, our response intensifies their reaction, and suddenly we’re all caught in a spiral that has nothing to do with the actual lesson. The harder we try to get back on track, the further we seem to get from any real learning.

Inspirational quote in serif and bold fonts reading, "Before we can help our children find calm, we need to find it ourselves. This isn’t about being perfect, but about being present."

What’s Really at Stake

In these moments, it’s not just the math lesson or writing assignment that’s at risk. Something much more precious hangs in the balance—our connection with our children. When we’re caught in these attitude cycles, both learning and relationships suffer. Our children feel misunderstood and defensive, while we feel frustrated and inadequate. No wonder these moments can leave us questioning everything about our homeschool journey!

Beyond Just Behavior

Here’s what I’ve learned after years of navigating these challenges with my own children and supporting countless other homeschool families: What we call “attitude” is actually a signal, one that’s trying to tell us something important about what’s happening beneath the surface. Those eye rolls, dramatic sighs, and resistance aren’t always defiance. Sometimes they’re stress responses that hold valuable information if we know how to decode them.

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A woman with dark hair wearing a blue button-up shirt and an orange top places her hands on her chest while closing her eyes, appearing calm and reflective.

Reframe: Finding the Message Behind the Behavior

Signals We Often Miss

Think of attitude as you do a check engine light in your car. That light isn’t the problem; it’s alerting you to something that needs attention. When our children display attitude, they’re often communicating needs they either can’t identify or don’t know how to express: This feels too hard. I’m overwhelmed. I need connection. I don’t feel understood.

What Your Child’s Attitude Really Says

The breakthrough for me came when I started seeing my son’s attitude as a stress signal rather than defiance. Those eye rolls? Often a sign of feeling overwhelmed. The dramatic sighs? Usually a call for connection. The resistance? Frequently a signal that something feels unsafe—whether it’s the fear of failure, the weight of expectations, or the need for more support.

Your Attitude’s Hidden Message

And here’s something equally important: Your own rising frustration, that tightness in your chest, the urge to clamp down or give up are your stress signals. They’re telling you something about your own needs at that moment, whether it’s for cooperation, peace, or reassurance that you’re doing this homeschool thing “right.”

Regulate: Finding Calm Together

Your First Steps

Before we can help our children find calm, we need to find it ourselves. This isn’t about being perfect, but about being present. Sometimes it’s as simple as taking three deep breaths. Other times, we might need to step away briefly to get a drink of water or look out the window. The key is having these regulation tools ready before you need them.

Supporting Your Child

Once you’ve found your own calm, you can help your child regulate too. The trick is to make it an invitation rather than an instruction. Instead of demanding calm, offer opportunities that naturally help their nervous system settle. A change of scenery, some physical movement, or simply your steady presence can make all the difference.

Building Daily Regulation Practices

The real transformation happens when we build these practices into our daily rhythm, not just during challenging moments. Simple check-ins throughout the day, regular movement breaks, and intentional pauses create a foundation that makes everyone more resilient when attitudes do flare.

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Respond: Building Connection

Moving Beyond Reactions

Once you’ve both found some calm, the next step isn’t to jump back into the lesson. Instead, it’s time to rebuild your connection. This might feel counterintuitive when you’re worried about getting things done, but that calm connection is actually the bridge your child needs to return to learning.

Growing Together

The magic happens in these quiet moments after the storm. A gentle touch, a knowing look, or simply sitting quietly together can begin to shift the energy. Your child might not be ready for words yet, and that’s okay. Your calm presence is often more powerful than any words you could say in these moments.

Strengthening Your Bond

Each time you navigate these challenging moments together, you’re building more than just a peaceful moment; you’re strengthening the foundation of trust between you. You’re showing your child that your relationship is stronger than any attitude, and that you’re there to help them through the hard stuff.

Results: Learning & Growing Together

Return to Reasoning

Have you noticed how children’s natural curiosity often returns once they feel calm and connected? That’s their thinking brain coming back online. Now you can explore together what happened and what might help next time. This isn’t about lectures; it’s about learning together.

Problem-Solving Together

When both you and your children feel understood and supported, real solutions emerge naturally. Maybe you discover that math works better in the afternoon, or that breaking tasks into smaller chunks helps prevent overwhelm. These insights come from connection, not correction.

Moving Forward

So when attitudes arise, take a deep breath and remember: while it starts with recognizing what’s happening and ends with lasting results, the real magic happens in those middle moments—when you reframe the situation, regulate together, and respond with connection. Each interaction becomes an opportunity to understand your children better, to strengthen your connection, and to build something more valuable than any lesson plan could provide.

Want to create a calm and connected homeschool environment? Our Once Upon a Homeschool planner includes built-in spaces to track emotional growth alongside academic progress, helping you celebrate the real wins in your homeschool journey. Because sometimes the most important learning happens in the moments between the lesson plans.

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ichelle & Jaron Brownell are the dynamic team behind Homeschool Essentials, dedicated to helping parents create personalized learning experiences and strengthen family connections. Michelle leads their Best Year Ever online coaching community, where she supports both new and experienced homeschooling families, including those navigating learning challenges. She also serves as a consultant for Bright & Quirky and Big Life Journal, offering her expertise in homeschooling and parenting to a global audience. Jaron brings creativity and strategic insight to Homeschool Essentials, designing innovative resources and programs that empower parents to raise confident, emotionally healthy children while fostering a love of learning.

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