The Family Man

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with Todd Wilson

Building Your Own Kingdom Out of Fear?

ne of my favorite places to go is a Homeschool Conference. There’s just something about rubbing elbows with lots of other moms and dads who I consider my “Peeps.” They get it…homeschooling that is. They understand the pressures, the demands, the desire to do a great job, and the feeling of failure that seems to go hand in hand with homeschooling.

She might not admit it to many, or any, but she’s miserable and tired of trying to hold it all together.

A stressed mother sits on a living room floor surrounded by active, playing children.

My favorite part of the conferences is not speaking or even selling products. My favorite part is when moms and dads come up to me at my booth, or as we pass in the hallway, and tell me about their struggles and joys, triumphs and disastrous crashes.

But there’s one kind of mom that my heart goes out to: the perfect homeschool mom. Oh, she’s not perfect, everyone knows that…but she looks perfect, her kids look perfect. She does hours of school each day and finishes her curriculum each year. Her kids can write long papers, complete difficult math problems, and speak articulately.

Her house is neat, her calendar filled, her laundry folded and put away, her meals planned, and her cupboard stocked. She looks like she and her kids have it all together, but…but…deep inside, she’s fearful. She’s afraid she missed something that the kids will need later. Maybe she didn’t cover enough or do it with enough joy.

“Pick someone you feel comfortable sharing things with and then tell them how you’re feeling, what life looks like at your homeschool right now, and all the things you fear.”

Years ago, I got an email from one of those perfect moms.
Her email went something like this:

“Dear Todd,

I’m one of those perfect moms you talk about. I have a bunch of kids, and we do school from morning until dinnertime. We only eat organic food and try to make most of it from scratch. My house is usually neat, my kids are usually well-groomed, and my homeschool usually runs like a machine.

But I’m miserable. Today is one of those days. Everything is falling apart. My voice is hoarse from yelling at my kids this morning. It’s 10:30 a.m., and the kids haven’t had breakfast. In fact, I just saw one of my kids run by holding a bag of Doritos. The laundry is piled up, the dishes are still in the sink, and I just looked outside and saw my five-year-old son, urinating on a rock.”

A smiling mother cuddles with her young daughter on a couch at home.

I have to admit that I was giddy as I read because what I was reading was normal and what most homeschooling moms feel most of the time. But at the same time, I felt sad for the mom…because she tried so hard to keep it under control.

She was afraid of failing to do it the wrong way. Afraid that someone would find out, but tired of trying to keep it secret. She felt like a fake. Afraid everyone would find out, but secretly hoping they would, so she could stop pretending.

She had built her home, her life, her homeschool…on FEAR.

Afraid she wouldn’t do it right.
Afraid she would miss something.
Afraid she wouldn’t be enough.
Afraid she picked the wrong curriculum.
Afraid that real school would be better for her kids.
Afarid that she wouldn’t be smart enough, fun enough, creative enough.

Fear ruled her heart and caused her to do, say, and require things that sucked the joy from her and her children’s lives.

But here’s the rest of the email, sent to me from the mom that made me so hopeful…

“I decided to send this email to all my homeschool mom friends so they will know what I’m feeling and see the real me.”

That was it. She didn’t say she was going to change or institute a different plan… she was just going to be real. She was going to tell the moms in her life what she felt, struggled with, and give them a real picture of what was going on.

Ahhh…that makes me smile, and I know it did the same for her.

So here’s the deal, Mom, maybe you’ve built your homeschool on FEAR. You’re afraid of doing it wrong, following your gut, letting them down, and taking the blame.

Instead of telling you that you’re smart enough to figure it out, or that you don’t have to follow the way others suggest, or that you should homeschool boldly (all of which you should)…I’ll tell you to be REAL.

Pick someone you feel comfortable sharing things with and then tell them how you’re feeling, what life looks like at your homeschool right now, and all the things you fear.

I believe that the best way to add smiles and break free from fear is to be REAL. You’re going to smile.

odd Wilson, author of Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe and Help! I’m Married to a Homeschooling Mom, is a dad, writer, conference speaker, and former pastor. Todd’s humor and gut-honest realness have made him a favorite speaker at homeschool conventions across the country and a guest on Focus on the Family. Todd and his wife Debbie homeschool their eight children in northern Indiana and travel around America in the Familyman Mobile. You can visit Familyman Ministries at: www.familymanweb.com.

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