t a point in our homeschooling journey, I felt like I was spending most of my time refereeing fights between our eight kids. I kept trying to get through the conflicts as quickly as possible so we could get back to our schoolwork, but something felt off. I was in a quandary. We needed to accomplish some schoolwork, but I also knew that I was the family gatekeeper. If I didn’t root out the ways that my kids were sinning against each other, we would never have true peace in our home.

As I began to pray over all of this, I realized that I was interpreting the fighting between our kids as an obstacle to what I thought was more important: schoolwork. But the truth was that those relationships were more important. They were not separate from my kids’ education, but rather a huge part of their education. In reality, my kids’ fighting was not an obstacle, but an opportunity.

The word education is often used to describe whatever might be learned at a school, college, or training center. Education is seen in many people’s minds as something we do at “special learning places” as though it is completely separate from real life.

Most learning doesn’t happen apart from real life. Real life is an excellent teacher and there is no place where life is more real than family life. As we nurture relationships at home, we are communicating volumes to our children about what is truly important.

We want our kids to learn that even though relationships can be a lot of work, they are a worthwhile and long-term investment. We want them to learn this because God’s Word makes it clear that it matters how we treat each other.

I wasn’t trained in any sort of peace-making skills. I had to learn right alongside my kids and I found the best counsel in the New Testament through all the passages that describe what it looks like for believers to be the body of Christ to each other.

For example it says:

However, this process of teaching and training doesn’t happen overnight and has to be consistently cultivated a little at a time. That’s the beauty of homeschooling. It allows us the time and space to disciple our children. But we must be intentional and prioritize relationships within our home.

Does this mean we must have a one-hour conversation over every spat? No. It means that when we see that relationships are struggling as the rule, not the exception, it might be wise to take the time to dig deeper, come alongside our children, and instruct them in the ways of the Lord.

Education is so much more than math, reading, writing, science, and history.

Discipleship is rooted in relationships.

Relationships take time.

The Greek method looks much like what we see in the traditional classroom: a teacher communicates information to the students and the students then prove they heard and understood it by answering questions or taking a test. There is a time and place for this method, but I believe even it is much more effective if it is the exception and only used as a supplemental approach to the Hebrew method.

The Hebrew method looks more like the teacher/student relationship that Jesus had with his disciples: They lived life together—walking, talking, eating, and learning together. Learning happened and wisdom was acquired through relationships and by example.

Deuteronomy 6:6–7 (NIV) describes this relationship with our kids beautifully:

urenda Wilson is a homeschooling mom of eight (born 1991 through 2004), seven of whom have graduated. She has been married for 32 years to Darryl, and they have 9 grandkids. Durenda has written The Unhurried Homeschooler, Unhurried Grace for a Mom’s Heart, and The Four Hour School Day. She is the owner/writer/host of her blog and podcast, Durenda Wilson, and mentors moms at simplyunhurried.com . She also enjoys speaking at events where she can encourage homeschool moms to think outside the box and homeschool in a way that is a great fit for their families!