Let Go of Timing

here aren’t a lot of quiet moments in our house these days for me to focus and be still enough to write. Writing, of course, takes time and a certain measure of concentration. It’s also something I cannot do unless the Lord leads and helps me put thoughts together.

Today, the words have not been flowing very well. My article is the last one to go and we have deadlines coming up quickly, so my awesome husband took our kids today to give me some time during Ruby’s nap to write. I was able to get some thoughts down, but not enough to complete the writing I needed to do.

So here I am at Starbucks drinking an iced coffee and doing my best to finish. I find it amusing that I’m writing about timing and I am currently in need of waiting on the Lord. I have to trust Him when the words don’t come that He will provide. I need to trust that as I’m doing this, the kids and their dad will be okay without me. Their dad can totally handle them, it’s just that us moms don’t want any undue difficulties to all happen at once while we’re gone (like they can at times with three young children).

Some days, like today, I need to trust Him all over again that this is what He has called me to and therefore, I can expect His help. Even now, I’m looking at the clock ticking, knowing I need to leave soon and feeling that sense of stress wanting to rise up. It makes me think of all the times I have worried about the timing of this or that and when it’s all said and done, there was never a need to be concerned in the first place. If I could simply let go and lean in, I’d find that He’s got everything I need at the right time.

Many of you know my homeschooling story is centered around parents who enabled me to grow at my own rate. When I was a couple of grade levels behind in some subjects, they helped me make progress according to what I was capable of. But even more than that, they helped me become someone who could believe in myself. That God had made me just the way I was, learning disability and all, for a reason and a purpose.

Now, I need to again come to my Father and find refuge in Him as the introduction of this issue mentions. I must grab hold of His words over me and the truth that I was made for this. It’s almost as if I step into His provision for this role by believing Him.

I’m learning to be okay with getting out of my comfort zone and relying on Him. It takes practice! For instance, we recorded a video interview (link below) between my co-executive editor and friend, Kay, and myself. I stumbled over my words at times and came off a bit awkward here and there. One of the challenges of my disability is that because it takes me more time to process information, it takes more time to get it across too. So I can find myself wishing that I was a more natural speaker better suited for this job.

One time, after speaking at a conference I left the stage feeling quite vulnerable and unsure of my performance. Someone then came up and gave me a critique that really made me question whether or not I was capable of this at all. I had to stop and sit for awhile after everyone left to gather myself. And while I sat with these questions, I asked the Lord how He thought it went. All of a sudden this wave of peace and joy came rushing over me. I could almost hear my Father cheering in that moment.

I burst into tears. It didn’t matter anymore what others thought. I knew I had done what He asked of me and that was all that mattered. I might embarrass myself at times. I might stumble around words and forget what I was saying every now and then, but I will not give up. I will not shrink back even though it’s uncomfortable. Instead, I will step out with the Father cheering me on. I know I’ll have to pay close attention to His words of affirmation because there will be critics and bad days. There will be missteps. But this is a process of learning and I know He’ll be with me at each turn.

Does any of this sound familiar? It should. This is the journey we’re all on. It’s one of developing trust and courage. It’s one of realizing that we’re on this road together with our Father.

Remember how I mentioned the importance of timing at the beginning? If we’re being led by the Lord, we have to relinquish our control. Relying on Him means not doing things in our own strength. Oftentimes, His timing does not fall in line with our plans. Because we’re learning how to listen and follow. If we don’t have to wait on Him, there’s no need to stop and listen. By the way, it’s the next day and I’m on my back porch now. Ruby is again napping and Alex has again taken the boys to do some grocery shopping this time. It would have been nice to finish this article last night, but it’s better to partner with the Lord and work in His timing.

My mom once taught me a lesson about timing that I’ve never forgotten. She said timing is everything when it comes to developmental milestones in learning. Like that of reading. She was a reading specialist and told me that reading can happen anywhere between the ages of three and nine. That is a huge age range! So when we were of the reading age, she’d simply pull out the resources to teach us and see how it went. If she felt like it was met with frustration or a lack of understanding, she’d put them away and wait. She’d then try again in a few weeks or months.

She was waiting on and trusting what God had already placed in us for developmental timing. She knew forcing us to fit into a mold we weren’t capable of conforming to would only create stress. If you’d like to hear more about how my mom cultivated an atmosphere of encouragement and really created a place that I knew I could grow in, I invite you to listen to the following interview. Kay and I address the realities of homeschooling and life and how the two go together. We talk about how it’s not this neat little set of subjects and educational steps. If you need some truthful reminders and some laughs, you can watch or listen here: