was a question that my friend’s husband used to ask her whenever it seemed like she was approaching life at a frantic pace.

I’ve asked myself the same question countless times: when the days begin to run together, when my heart is anxious more often than not, and when I’m not really enjoying anything, including my children.

If I were to honestly answer the question, “Who are you racing?” most of the time my answer would be, “My own expectations.”

Expectations are a funny thing. They can help us accomplish great things, but more often they bring disappointment, discouragement, and frustration.

When we decided to homeschool, we also decided that we wanted to allow our kids to take a more unhurried approach to learning, especially in the early years. We believed strongly that kids thrive in a relaxed home environment. Because they feel safe and secure and their little minds and bodies aren’t constantly on high alert, learning happens so much more easily and naturally. It seemed to make perfect sense.

Of course, I had reliable resources that had encouraged me in this direction, but the truth is that I wasn’t sure whether this approach would actually work. In other words, would it adequately prepare my children for higher learning?

After all, there were other “experts” out there who said the opposite. They were supportive of early education—in fact, the earlier the better, and it seemed most people I knew agreed with that.

I had to decide. Was I going to go with popular opinion or take the road less traveled, the one I felt like God was leading me down?

I couldn’t argue with the fact that my children seemed blissfully happy, healthy, and energetic and there was an overall peace that permeated our home. However, every now and then I would have a nagging feeling that I probably wasn’t doing enough, usually because I had fallen into the trap of comparing myself to other moms or my kids to someone else’s.

Fear set in, and I would begin to panic. In my panic, I would try to add things to our day that only exasperated my children and frustrated me. Instead of breathing life into our family, I could feel everyone’s excitement and energy circling the drain.

The only solution was to go back to our more simple, unhurried approach. Every time I did, peace was restored. After this had happened over and over again, I began to feel more confident that this was exactly what God desired for us. Not only was this a blessing for our kids, but it was also an unexpected blessing for me as a mom.

Taking a simpler, more unhurried approach to our kids’ education was just the beginning of a journey that I am still benefiting from today. As I intentionally built margin into our kids’ homeschooling days for their good, I realized that I was more relaxed and at peace as well. I was more often the mom I wanted to be. I could sit in a comfy chair, watch my kids play, and learn so much about who God had made them to be, what their interests were, how their minds were working, and how they interacted with others. I was more accessible, more present, and more engaged. More than anything, slowing down allowed me to notice just how much our kids were learning from simply living life in a healthy home environment and it did, in fact, adequately prepare our kids for higher learning.

This simple, unhurried approach became more than just an educational approach.It became a lifestyle.

Most of our kids are grown now, and when they begin to feel stressed and overloaded they go back to simplicity and slowing down in order to find peace again. We didn’t just give our kids a childhood, we gave them tools that would serve them well as adults.

I often talk to moms about the difference between being led and being driven. God is a gentle shepherd who leads.

If you know anything about sheep, you know that they cannot be driven. They freak out and run in every direction, which puts them at risk for injury or makes them vulnerable to predators. God often refers to us as sheep. It’s really not a compliment but rather revealing of our natural tendencies. Because He is the Good Shepherd, He doesn’t drive us, He gently leads us. We learn from Him how to lead our children.

A simple, unhurried life doesn’t mean that we aren’t productive and that our children should never have time constraints. It means that we build margin into our days so we can be intentional, so we can be present. This helps us stay in step with whatever God is doing in our family that day.

None of this comes without a price. It’s a call to trust Him wholeheartedly and understand that as children of God, we must follow Him first and foremost. It’s a call to fear Him above all else and do what is right for our family, regardless of what other people think.