Enhanced – read by the author
The Family Man
with Todd Wilson
From Contributor to Liberator
a father and a daughter playing together in a living room
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n the early 80’s, there was a perfume commercial on TV that went viral when the only things going viral were… viruses. The name of the perfume was Enjoli, an eight-hour perfume that was supposed to take you through the day.

I’m pretty sure I never smelled the perfume, but the jingle stuck with me all these years. A woman sings to the camera while acting out the different lyrics. “I can bring home the bacon… Enjoli… fry it up in the pan… Enjoli… and never never… let you forget you’re a man… ‘cause I’m a wo—man… Enjoli.”

Since then, the jingle has been locked in my brain and released at random times… like now.

The unrealistic message behind the song was that women can be it all and do it all. Of course, that’s a lie, Mom. No one CAN DO IT ALL OR BE IT ALL. That’s especially true of homeschool moms who put huge pressure on themselves to be responsible for EVERYTHING and EVERYBODY.

There are plenty of great articles in this edition encouraging you to stop trying to do it all… so this article is written for dads. So Dad, can I talk to you for a moment? The only thing worse than putting all those pressures on yourself is when a homeschool mom’s husband heaps generous amounts of guilt and expectations onto her.

Convinced you don’t do that?
Here’s how it happens:
Your wife serves a bowl of Frosted Flakes for dinner. You take one look at it and say, “You’re kidding me? Again? My mother never fixed a meal like this for my dad. We always had REAL meals…”

You’re a neat freak and your wife is struggling to keep up with the house. One evening the kids are in bed early after an exhausting day of life and homeschooling. Your tired wife looks at you and says, ready to crash, “What’s on TV tonight?”

Someone contemplating to themselves in the kitchen
You respond, half joking, “Dust.”

You walk in the door to the normal disaster. The house is a wreck, the kids are bickering, and your wife is running around trying to get dinner ready. She looks up at you with wisps of hair in her eyes and YOU say, “So what have you done today?”

Your wife drops onto the couch and sighs. You ask her what’s up and she launches into the fact that your son Joey seems to be reading two grade levels behind where he’s supposed to be. You look up from your phone and say, “Think we should have him tested?”

You get a frantic call in the middle of the day and it’s your wife. Immediately she begins ranting and raving about how she can’t do it and school is too hard and no one listens to her and… Before she finishes, you say firmly, “Well, maybe we should put them in school.”

Dad, these are words that have slipped out of my mouth and the mouths of all dads married to homeschool moms. They cut deep, reinforce the lies that all moms believe, and drive the nails deep into their hearts—stealing joy, causing doubts, and shipwrecking the homeschool adventure.

The sad truth is we’re CONTRIBUTORS to the lie that our wives believe about having to do and be EVERYTHING. We foster, contribute, and reinforce the unrealistic expectations that crush our wives.

That is until now. Today we go from CONTRIBUTOR to LIBERATOR. We’re going to be the dads who liberate our wives from the unrelenting doubts, fears, and stresses of homeschooling.

Here’s the plan:
Your wife serves you a bowl of Frosted Flakes for dinner. You take one look at it and say, “Thanks, Honey. I don’t see how you get it all done with everything you have to do.”

You’re a neat freak and your wife is struggling to keep up with the house. One evening the kids are in bed early after an exhausting day of life and homeschooling. Your tired wife looks at you and says, “What’s on TV tonight?” You say, “Whatever you want to watch because you deserve to crash.”

“That is until now. Today we go from CONTRIBUTOR to LIBERATOR. We’re going to be the dads who liberate our wives from the unrelenting doubts, fears, and stresses of homeschooling.”
A family cooking food in the kitchen
You walk in the door to the normal disaster. The house is a wreck, the kids are bickering, and your wife is running around trying to get dinner ready. She looks up at you with wisps of hair in her eyes and you say, “I can tell it’s been a tough day… so let’s go out for dinner.”

Your wife drops onto the couch and sighs. You ask her what’s up and she launches into the fact that your son Joey seems to be reading two grade levels behind where he’s supposed to be. After she’s finished you remind her, “That’s okay. He’s going to get it. You’re doing a great job.”

You get a frantic call in the middle of the day and it’s your wife. She begins ranting and raving about how she can’t do it and school is too hard and no one listens to her and… After she’s finished you say softly, “I know it’s hard, Honey. I’d feel the same. Tonight, after dinner, I’ll have a little family meeting and talk to the kids.” (Then do it!)

I’m telling you, Dad, the homeschool world needs liberators; your wife needs you to be her liberator. She needs you to:
Tell her the house is fine or help clean it. Tell her the meals are fine or help cook. Tell her you’re okay with less romance. Tell her she’s chosen things that matter. Tell her how blessed your children are to have her as their mother and teacher. Remind her that the idea that she can do it all well is a LIE. Make her smile by smiling at her. You ‘da Liberator!
A digital signature mark of Todd Wilson
Todd Wilson headshot
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odd Wilson, author of Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe and Help! I’m Married to a Homeschooling Mom, is a dad, writer, conference speaker, and former pastor. Todd’s humor and gut-honest realness have made him a favorite speaker at homeschool conventions across the country and a guest on Focus on the Family. Todd and his wife Debbie homeschool their eight children in northern Indiana and travel around America in the Familyman Mobile. You can visit Familyman Ministries at: www.familymanweb.com.

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